Supporting Teens with RSD: A Parent’s Guide
In addition to working with adults to help them get the best out of their brains, I also work with parents to support their neurodivergent children and strengthen family collaboration.
One of the most common challenges parents bring up is their children's BIG reactions — often triggered by what the parent thought was an innocent comment or mellow conversation.
A few things could be at play here:
If your child has ADHD, it’s important to remember that we ADHDers live and feel life more intensely than our non-neurodivergent peers.
They’re developing brains and bodies filled with hormones, which can naturally elevate emotional reactions.
If the reactions feel even more extreme, it could be a sign of Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (RSD).
You're not alone if you're parenting a teen who seems to overreact to even the smallest hint of criticism or rejection. Many teens with ADHD also experience RSD, a condition that causes intense emotional pain in response to perceived criticism or failure. Even a neutral comment or helpful suggestion can sometimes feel like a personal attack.
RSD commonly overlaps with ADHD and can impact both teens and adults. It’s something my husband and I talk about regularly in our own communication. As the ADHDer, it’s my job to make him aware of my RSD challenges, and it’s also his job to be mindful of ways he can help avoid triggering them. We often collaborate on what this looks and sounds like — and you can do the same with your teen.
With increased awareness and a lot of heart, you can help your teen feel safe, seen, and supported as they navigate these overwhelming emotions. Here are a few key pointers for parenting teens with RSD:
1. Focus on Tone Over Content
What you say matters less than how you say it. Soft, curious, and supportive tones help keep your teen's brain regulated. Teens with RSD often hear criticism even when none is intended.
Parent Tip: Before speaking, take a deep breath and think, "How can I sound like a teammate, not a judge?"
2. Validate First, Problem-Solve Later
Jumping straight into problem-solving can make teens feel invalidated. Instead, validate their feelings first.
Instead of: "It's not a big deal, just fix it."
Try: "That sounds really hard. I can see why you’d feel upset."
3. Praise the Effort, Not Just the Outcome
Teens with RSD often fear failing. Highlighting their effort helps them build resilience and reduces perfectionism.
Example: "I'm proud of how you kept going, even when it was frustrating."
4. Offer Choices to Preserve Autonomy
Offering choices helps your teen feel respected and in control, instead of feeling criticized or micromanaged.
Example: "Would you rather talk about it now or check in later?"
5. Normalize Struggle
RSD can make teens believe they're "bad" or "broken" for struggling. Normalize challenges as part of the human experience.
Example: "Everyone's brain has tough days. It doesn't mean anything bad about you."
6. Use Repair Language When Needed
If things get heated, modeling repair helps build trust. Teens with RSD need to know that relationships can survive conflict.
Example: "I'm sorry that came out wrong. I love you, and I'm proud of you no matter what."
7. Collaboration is KEY
Communication and collaboration are a two-way street. If a conversation gets heated and you need to step away, try revisiting it later during a calmer moment. Approach it through the lens of collaboration and brainstorming together, rather than correction or criticism.
Example: "I know what I said the other day (insert what you said…) didn’t feel great, and I'm sorry again. So we can keep learning from each other, can you share some other phrases or words you'd prefer I use? I’d love to keep them in mind for the future."
Emergency Phrase Bank for When Emotions Run High
Here are some quick, non-triggering phrases you can lean on when you feel stuck or emotional yourself:
When your teen is upset:
"I'm on your side."
"It's okay to feel what you're feeling."
"You're safe. We'll figure it out together."
When you've accidentally triggered them:
"I didn't mean to make you feel bad. I'm sorry."
"That didn't come out the way I meant it. Let me try again."
"It's okay if you need a little space."
When you need to give feedback gently:
"Can we brainstorm together?"
"What's one thing you'd want to tweak next time?"
"You're allowed to need help while you're learning."
When you want to reconnect and calm things down:
"Let's take a deep breath together."
"You matter so much to me."
"We're a team, even when it's hard."
Parenting a teen with RSD can feel like walking a tightrope, but remember: you don't have to "fix" every moment. Your steady presence, patient listening, and consistent love are more powerful than any perfect words you could say.
When you lead with validation, collaboration, and encouragement, you're helping your teen build the emotional resilience and foundational skills they need to thrive—in the moment and in life.
❤️ You're doing important, beautiful work, parents and caregivers. Keep going and celebrate the small wins with each other ❤️
Photo by Brock Wegner on Unsplash
