You’ve been diagnosed with ADHD. Now what?
It wasn't a surprise when I was diagnosed with ADHD at 29 years old; it explained many things in my life, so my immediate emotion was a relief. Like many people, though, I thought, "great, give me the meds, and I'll keep it moving through life." As time passed and life got more complicated (more significant job titles, marriage, kids, house, etc.), my ADHD started to present itself differently, more loudly, emotionally, and much more intensely. It wasn't until ten years after my initial diagnosis at 39 years old that I allowed myself to embrace and feel the wide range of emotions that come with an adult diagnosis. The journey was complicated, to say the least.
I still felt relief, but then I also felt grief. I felt grief for my childhood, and all those years, I felt "weird." Then anger that no one noticed that I was struggling. Then compassion for that "little miss sunshine" who was angry and acting out because she didn't understand what was happening in her highly impressionable brain - I wanted to hug her (that’s me on the right!) Then more grief because I realized my father also had undiagnosed ADHD, but he passed away ten years earlier, before being able to understand it - and sadness because if he were still alive, we'd be on this journey together. I felt the determination to learn about ADHD and the broader world of neurodiversity because ADHD is 70% generational, and if one or both of my kids has it, I will help them early. I felt defiance and confusion - because, according to this diagnosis, I have a disorder, but I don't feel like I have a disorder, yet sometimes I do. I felt embarrassed and awkward for all those times my ADHD reared its ugly head in corporate settings, where it caused me to lash out at co-workers, forget words while presenting, or cry during a year-end review because of my emotional dysregulation and RSD. I felt confused by my intense ambition for my career but also felt like I couldn't ever get to where I wanted to go - like a square peg in a round hole. I felt excited to learn more! I felt joy in meeting others with ADHD and discussing our different journeys. Then, "Ah ha!! That explains why I have an unreasonable desire to be creative all the time and also why I love to start, but usually not finish, creative projects!!" Then more joy in finally leaning into my ADHD after all those years of denying it. The emotions don't end here; I could keep going for several paragraphs (but I'll spare you!).
Joy is where I am now because I know that I can use my newfound career path as an ADHD coach and Neurodiversity Advisor to help others learn and grow as I did. But that's not to say that I don't dip into those other zones often or that different feelings come up that I hadn't experienced before. It isn't straightforward and will continue to be a long and winding journey.
There are three things I'd share with someone who's grappling with a diagnosis:
You're not alone: The moment I realized that I wasn't the only one with ADHD was the moment my whole perspective changed, which seems silly because, of course, I'm not the only one. But, it's easy to internalize things we're confused about, which makes that internalized message grow, whether negative or positive. So recognize that you're not the only one, and reach out for support.
Learn: It's critical to learn about your ADHD. Each person's ADHD is 100% unique. As soon as I stopped running away from it and truly leaned into it, I felt like I could finally live as my authentic self.
Be gentle with yourself: As my journey illustrates, ADHD can simultaneously be highly complicated and beautiful - you’re creative, passionate, entrepreneurial, intuitive, endlessly curious, and collaborative. Saving space for self-compassion will allow you to feel all of those feelings for the sake of embracing more of the beautiful side.
Many of the things shared here reflect my experience(s) with diagnosis. It is by no means a linear journey; remember that everyone's experience is 100% unique and valid. What would you add to this? Please share in the comments!
