The Power of a Reframe
How simple language shifts can make a big impact on our headspace
I use reframing as a tool on myself and in collaboration with my clients regularly. Reframing leverages positive psychology and can be a potent tool for all brains, not just neurodivergent ones. Reframing is changing how you perceive or interpret a situation, idea, or problem by shifting its context or framing it in a different light. It involves looking at things from a fresh perspective and considering alternative viewpoints. Those of us with ADHD can be particularly good at reframing when we remember to do it. We're generally creative problem solvers and can often see sides of a situation or a potential solution that others can't - the key, though, is getting us to slow down our Ferrari brains and remember to use this effective tool. Leveraging a reframe requires an open and flexible mindset, awareness of your thoughts, and, most importantly, practice. It can help overcome cognitive biases, spark creativity, and lead to innovative solutions when put into practice regularly.
You may have heard some powerful reframes, such as progress over perfection. I love this one because it eliminates the black-and-white thinking, a tricky cognitive distortion that often pops up when we feel discouraged about something. It gives us permission to proceed and take one small step or action. Sometimes that tiny step forward is what you need for the momentum to take hold and set you off running - just make sure it doesn't send you into hyper-focus mode, and you forget to eat or drink water all day.
Another one is practice makes progress. Very similar to progress over perfection, but it flips that adage many of us grew up with, you know the one...practice makes perfect, yuck. I often use this one when it comes to my kids. My son is very competitive and thinks he needs to be immediately amazing at any new skill he's learning. When he gets down on himself for not being able to ride his bike without training wheels on the first try, and screams, "I'M NOT GOOD AT THIS!" I jump in with, "YET!" "You're not good at this YET, but you're trying your best, and practice makes progress." Sometimes he shrugs me off as most 6-year-olds do when they hear their mom trying to be overly optimistic about a situation clearly frustrating them. But, every once and a while, I see a little lightbulb pop on in his head as he jumps on to try again.
My therapist recently introduced me to a new one that I hadn't heard before, peace over pleasure. She shared it when I complained about all this little stuff I needed to do, but as a typical ADHDer, I wasn't interested in any of it. Now it was piling up, giving me stress, anxiety, sleepless nights, and even lashing out at my family. Specifically, it was my taxes. Ugh. Taxes hit different when you're a small business owner, and I absolutely dreaded the very idea of doing them. I spent my entire session whining about how I could avoid them instead of just doing them. As I shared this with her, she suggested this new reframe, and it was an immediate "a ha!" moment. It allowed me to admit that, yes, doing my taxes isn't going to be fun (at all), it will not bring me joy or pleasure (hell no), but I'll find peace when done. At the very least, it helped me to remember the sheer satisfaction I would get from crossing it off the to-do list. It felt like a nice way to honor the fact that I didn't want to do them, and that's ok, but it shifted my perspective ever-so-slightly to get them done. When I did, I found peace and a massive weight off my shoulders.
You don't always need a kitschy saying or phrase to leverage the power of reframing a situation. Sometimes it's drawing awareness to your thoughts, noticing where your headspace is, and asking if you could look at this situation in a different light. Here are a couple of simple ideas to try the next time you need to shift the language in your head to a more positive place:
Talk it out to yourself: many ADHDers are verbal processors, which sometimes means things don't make sense until we hear them out loud - likely due to our busy brains. Talking to yourself out loud disrupts your thought pattern in a way that may allow for better reflection or problem-solving. Here's a great article from Very Well Mind that reviews the benefits of talking to yourself, neurodivergent or not.
Talk it out with someone else: if you prefer human interaction as part of talking out loud, find a friend or family member to process with verbally. Just let them know if you'd like their opinion on the situation or not - this allows them to actively listen and manage their expectations of what you need from them.
Move your body: Moving your body, whether it's a rigorous workout or a quick 10-minute walk in the park, does wonders for the mind and body overall, and it's especially effective in taming ADHD symptoms, according to WebMD. Next time you find yourself in a negative headspace and unable to reframe a situation, try stepping away from what you're doing, moving your body a bit, and returning to it later; chances are, you'll have a whole new perspective.
What reframing tools or phrases, do you use? Share them in the comments below!
